I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Doo do doo do doo! LOL Anyone else have that song in their head now too? No?.. just me? Well I was going to write a post yesterday called ‘one more sleep’ but I guess I must have known there would be NO sleep. My mind was too active – it was like waiting for Christmas morning, but also like waiting to get punched in the face too LOL a mix of happy excitement and fear I guess.
I really needed the sleep, too, because yesterday was a pretty emotional day. I knew it was our last day in Edmonton, and for some stupid reason, like I just met me or something, I optimistically planned a whack of things to do the day before travel – DOH! What the shit was I thinking? I kept my acupuncture appointment because hot damn, the two days I’ve had acupuncture since being home have allowed me to walk normally again, so I couldn’t cancel that. But, I had moved my lunch date from Monday to Tuesday since I had to see the Dr about my back on the Monday, and now I was freaking that I wasn’t going to have time, so I cancelled it Tuesday. Also, for some reason I thought I would get my hair done prior to travel as well…. Seriously, have I met me? I guess I am grateful for these opportunities to learn… or opportunities where I should be learning about me. Note to self, leave the day before travel OPEN! End of discussion.
Anyhow, yesterday was highly emotional. I guess I was freaking a bit knowing that holy shit we were really leaving, but in the process of reminding people that I was no longer going to have my cell phone number (gulp, whaaaat??? That just sunk in) I was texting people being all self absorbed in the me me me part of this journey when it dawned on me that other people have lives too!! LOL that sounds stupid so let me explain… I have been so wrapped up in focusing on my journey and on hearing feedback about what an adventure this is going to be, how excited/jealous other people are that we are doing this, etc. that I forgot that life goes on without me. I have been writing and sharing my/our journey/vacation so far in my head all the time, and online when I can, that I forgot to think about everything else in the world around me.
Well, once I did and I remembered that hey, people have had a month of real life too while we’ve been gone – friends have lost loved ones in their lives (thoughts and prayers to my BFF and family), and friends are building houses (whaaat?? Need more dets Gen!!?) and many other things are happening to the people I know, and it occurred to me that I’m super duper out of the loop. I have missed countless coffee breaks and lunches, and texts or phone calls or walks or weekend visits already in a short month, so what am I going to miss in five to six months of being gone?!
This got me thinking, and I really want to put out a request to everyone who is reading this (thanks too, btw and hugs for your support! )Please, send me an email every now and again, even if it’s a sentence or two, or comment on the blog and let me know what’s up in your world! I just don’t want to fall out of my social loop. It’s super duper selfish, but I care, and I want to know what’s the what… ya know?
Call it my abandonment issues surfacing, but it became painful and real yesterday when I realized I already have missed so much from my “past/old” life. I’d like to stay a bit connected if I can.
Whew, I feel better. Long story short, I am sharing, please share back okay!? <grin>
So moving on… today is the day we left for our journey or new chapter or whatever we are calling it… not sure yet, I just know it’s not “vacation”. Nevada was the vacation-y escape, but this is the new chapter for us… this is the BIG one, the out-of-the-comfort zone part.
On that note, yesterday Steve and I were talking and he summed it up in a neat and tidy and frankly terrifying way for me… he said that this is what I have always said that I wanted.. to travel, and to explore other cultures, and see what the world is, and what is out there… so don’t blow this opportunity! LOL GULP holy shit, this is a freaking big deal!
Another side note/tangent based on that – I do feel a bit worried that I might not “find me” or find my joy, or change at all with this adventure, and that in five-six months from now when we touch base back home I might just be the same…. Which isn’t bad I guess, but then what? Where does life go from there? Can I slip back into the nine to five “grind” again, going about my days living like I was? Holy shit I hope not! But it’s something I think about… that somehow maybe this won’t bring me the answers that I am looking for, and maybe all that will happen is that time passes ,and I’m a bit older, and life has gone on without me.
What a downer eh?!
Okay, maybe this is too deep and I blame the two glasses of red wine and glass of port LOL
Currently we are on the plane heading to Hong Kong. We are super spoiled and upgraded ourselves to exec/first class, and I feel extremely grateful and blessed that we could do that! It really is wonderful and comfortable and pampering.
I’ve had my warm towels, and nuts, and free drinks, and all the wonderful treats, and I made the mistake of choosing a classic movie that I had never seen before “Fried Green Tomatoes” Wow, BAD choice for the emotional and slightly buzzed… it made me cry damn it! A key message in the movie is that the point of life is best friends and here I am travelling many, many miles away from everyone I know and love… I sobbed… like – a – baby…. If the point of life is best friends, then what the fuck am I doing distancing myself from them?
Oh wait, I remember, it’s for me… to help me to figure my shit out so that I can be a better best friend LOL I guess that’s a good enough answer as any.
I really do trust that this is a necessary step for me to take, and that there was no other choice – I just need to know if all the things that I’ve said that I want for my life (to travel the world and experience other cultures, to meet new people, to break free from the norms and social conventions) are true, and once I live this dream, this truth of mine, what will that mean for me as a person, what will I find there when I’m not limited by who I think I should be? I guess the next five to six months will reveal all.
On to another topic, and for reference sake, the red wine I consumed was lovely – and oh, why yes, I would like some more please and thank you so much!! It was Ranch 32, Vintners Reserve Meritage, Montery California – description says it’s an extremely limited production – which makes me want it more – characterized by aromas of blackberries and dark plums with overtones of mocha and dark chocolate.
Then, what’s dessert without port? Apparently that’s what the upper class do LOL The port was Dow’s Port, Portugal – the description says it has a red plum jam aroma with a smooth silky texture – I say it tasted yummy!
Anyhow, thanks for reading and I think it maybe time now for either a nap or for a comedy. We are about 8 hours away from Hong Kong still, and will have a layover there, then another three to four hour flight to Bangkok after that…it’s a LONG day – or couple of days really.
Oh, I almost forgot the other emotional event that started the day. Our dear loving neighbours, who are the sweetest people in the world and who I absolutely adore, were kind enough to drive us to the airport this morning. I’m an anxious nelly getting to the airport already because I hate the highway there, but luckily the snow held off, and the traffic wasn’t too bad for the morning commute… till some dick wad ass wipe truck pulls into our lane as we are driving, forcing us to swerve into the other lane, where luckily there were no cars, to avoid us being smucked up! There were screeching tires and there might have been a bit of pee too… I am grateful for the quick reaction time/reflexes of our driver, and for the timing of everything so that no one else was in the other lane.
I’m sure to most this near accident avoidance isn’t a huge deal, but to the woman who has been in five car accidents (me) and has some pretty icky trauma around cars and driving, this was some scary shit!
So today I have a butt load of things to be thankful for, and that includes YOU the person reading this to the end. THANKS and I hope you’ll stick around to see how this all unfolds! Nap time!