It’s our last week of work, and I had always imagined that I would be giddy with excitement over the final days… but I’m not. Seriously, wtf is wrong with me? I had a bit of a cry this morning before work, too – and not just because it is Monday morning either – ha! I think I’m just feeling sad about leaving the familiar and comfortable digs I’ve had for the past few years, and the familiarity of the people I see everyday. I work with great people, no complaints there, so it’s sad to think this is ending soon. I’m also overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to wrap up before I go, and the large number of items still on my to do list at home.
At the peak of the outburst this morning, I turned to Steve. I feel bad now, too, because even after all these years (17 years together) he still hasn’t figured out how to handle my emotional swings. He was kind of like a deer in headlights, eyes all big and fear across his face, which then turned into his fight or flight survival mode. He choose flight, and tried to sprint to get the hell away from the situation – I chased him down anyway. LOL poor guy. Once I caught him, I must say that he did (and always does) an amazing job of helping me work through it. He reminded me that what’s important will get done, and the rest isn’t that important. In my head at the time I was like “screw you jerk”, but he’s right. I think part of the emotional turmoil was also because I’m a bit pissed off at myself for being the queen of procrastination. I’ve had well over a month to make appointments, to make phone calls, etc. and now I’m just freaking out it won’t all get done. But, like he said, what is important will get done.
After work ends this week, it will be interesting to see how life unfolds. I have always imagined and daydreamed about how great it would be to wake up in the morning and have a coffee outside, go for a walk or run in the crisp morning air, maybe putter about and do some crafts, or something like that, just bask in the freedom of choice. But now there is a part of me worrying that I might be the kind of girl who actually needs routine and structure, and that this ‘freedom’ thing might be challenging and lead to too much choice paralysis.
I guess on the plus side, I at least left myself a crapload to do still, so boredom or the ‘paralysis of choice’ won’t get the chance to set in just yet. Everything for a reason I guess.